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Category Archives: Silicon Valley


Like everyone else on the planet I pretty much live for

women’s beach volleyball. I was on the treadmill at the club

when I looked up at the match on TV and noticed that the bikinis

they wear had become an order of magnitude skimpier.

They had the player’s name across the skimpy butt portion of their bikini,

so the camera pretty much just went from one players butt to the next.

This way you would be sure know the player’s names.

It was the respectful thing to do.

It seemed impossible, but a perfect sport had become perfecter.

I could sense God smiling as his God eyes bulged out

of his God skull and he went to take a cold God shower.

It’s this can do attitude that once made America great.

And put a man on the moon.

Then it stuck me.

The surface of the moon would actually provide

an excellent playing surface for women’s beach volleyball.

Women’s beach volleyball on the moon.

With 1/6th the Earth’s gravity.

Like God waving his magic wand

as he stepped out of the shower

it was possible for the sport to become still perfecter.

Suddenly, the nation united behind a common goal.

It was something of the magnitude of the creation of the universe.

Only important.

Women’s beach volleyball on the moon.

Bipartisan bickering in politics ceased.

We balanced the budget without spending cuts or tax increases.

We simply printed more money.

The world rallied behind America’s vision and leadership.

Big screen television sells exploded

God bought 2 big screen televisions.

One for his living room.

One for his bathroom.

The Dali Lama moved his refrigerator into his living room

to be closer to his big screen television.

America was back on the map.

And popular again as the world for gave us for our unilateral missteps.

Like not adopting the metric system.

Let’s run it up the flagpole and see who salutes.

One nation under God.

I pledge allegiance

to women’s beach volleyball.

As so many great civilizations before us,

we would be remembered for our contribution to mankind.

All because of women’s beach volleyball.

Neil Armstrong watching women’s beach volleyball on the moon:

I wish I had a bigger pair of eyes.

Women’s beach volleyball.

Hallowed be thy name.



she: You f*ck porn stars?

Somebody’s gotta audition them ma’am.

she: How many women you been with?


she: Five?!! In a lifetime?!!

I thought you meant at once.

she: You seem awfully full of yourself.

Would you feel better if I put a little of myself in you?

she: I may be an escaped felon.

Better give you a full body cavity.

she: Here…

I think we’d both feel safer if I were handcuffed.

God: I could learn a thing or two from you.

Why do you think I let you hand out with me?